i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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