it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
