i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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