But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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