i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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