OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
