i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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