The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
