can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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