I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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