the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The beer is more important than you right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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