i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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