I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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