watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
