he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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