my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
