I think scott just propositioned me for sex
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
