I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
