i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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