Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
