I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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