i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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