Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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