you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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