I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
