that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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