one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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