I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no, he came in my armpit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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