Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
