What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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