matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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