god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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