so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
