I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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