i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
