I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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