Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
