just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
