i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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