I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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