dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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