he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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