IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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