Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
