Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
