So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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