apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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