he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two words: blizzard sex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
