She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
