I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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