i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
