So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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