so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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