I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
