You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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