Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
