I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I want a musical about memes.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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