your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
