I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
