$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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