So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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