My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
