I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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