You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
