batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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