Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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