I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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