He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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