guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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