Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
