Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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