he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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