Already got asked if we're dating
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
