rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize