sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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