i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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