you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
