So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
