im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
