my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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