Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
