In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I puked a lego.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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